Equality?
by BlueNavy
Summary: Female members of the League tackle sexism as they navigate their way through a harsh man's landscape. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 0

Note: This actually belonged to a series of shorts I wrote in a spur-of-the-moment thing, hence the lack of a good intro/rather disjointed first chapter (chap 0). Anyway I had a lot of fun writing it and I sort of have a main storyline in mind, so.. yeah I might just take that and run with it.

Anyway shout out to my first ever reviewer on here!:DDD  
I don't actually know how to reply comments (still figuring this place out), and I can't PM yet since I'm a new member and all, but yeah, thanks so much! I really appreciate your review :DD

* * *

 **Chapter:0**

It was a bright and early morning here at the Institute of War. Everywhere, flowers were blooming and birds were chirping, creating an overall pleasant atmosphere. Normally, the very sight of such tranquil landscape awash in the warm, gentle glow of the sun would be enough to brighten Leona's mood, not today; today she had a job to do and some tough nuts to crack.

 _Speaking of nuts._

"Summoner Julius and Summoner Tomnen! Just the two people I wish to see! I have something I would like to discuss with you." The smile on Leona's face forcibly perked up as she called out to the two men approaching from a distance.

"Hello there Leona, what can we do you for?"

"Well, as representative of the LOLFEM (read: Ladies Of League Female Equality Movement), I've come to voice out an injustice against female league members."

"Oh? What kind of injustice?" Summoner Tomnen sighed tiredly, an act not unnoticed by Leona.

"You see, Lux has compiled these various statistics regarding male, female earnings in the first to fourth quarter of this year and as you can observe here," Leona shuffled through the sheafs of paper in her hands before pointing to an intimidating-looking graph, "there has consistently been a statistically significant discrepancy in the earning ratio between sexes even when accounting for," Leona ruffled more papers around and shoved a chart into Tomnen's face, "factors such as the frequency of summons, death-kill ratios, champion popularity, etc, etc, etc.." Leona continued droning on, unaware that both Julius' and Tomnen's face had gone completely blank. When she'd finished, she looked up expectantly.

"Well?"

"The wage gap does not exist." Julius replied tonelessly.

A deep frown creased over Leona's sun-kissed features as she flipped through the various sheets of paper in her hands. "That is not true, haven't you been listening? I just told you that, ceteris paribus, male champions of the league are earning on average 26.75% more gold than female champions. These statistics do not lie, Julius. You can go back and ask your own statisticians to double check if you so wish to."

"The wage gap does not exist." It was Tomnen who spoke up this time.

"Wha-but I just told you -" Leona sputtered before being cut off by both Tomnen and Julius. "The wage gap does not exist," they chimed out simultaneously in monotone.

At this point, a bewildered Leona had no choice but to toss up the stacks of paper in her hands and stride off in search of more intelligent species to plead her case.

When she was gone, Tomnen turned, whispering to Julius, "See, I told you if we say that enough times, she will eventually believe it."

* * *

"Irelia, that's the third time this week you've screwed up in the Rift. I hate to inform you, but we think your skills are better off employed in the kitchen."

"But, that's not fair! Draven died more times than me last week, how come he was not banished to the kitchen?"

"Uh.. That's because he's a man? Society dictates that he makes up for his mistakes on the battlefield. Now, enough talking, Captain. Please kindly stfu and do something actually useful with your sacred blades like, chopping onions and whisking eggs."

* * *

"You want me to WHAT?!" Katarina's roar reverberated around the white walls of the Institute of War as well as through the valleys of Runeterra.

"Assist Irelia in the kitchen." Summoner Seamus repeated calmly.

"Listen here, summoner," Katarina grabbed the gangly boy by the collar of his shirt as her voice dipped to a low, dangerous growl. "I am Noxus' Sinister Blade, and am born of a noble house, I did NOT train my whole life in blade work just so I can help _Irelia_ make chop suey in the kitchen." That last part came out in a menacing snarl.

"But, I heard you're legendary at cutting things up?"

"Definitely." Katarina unhanded Seamus and stuck her nose up in the air.

"You are legendary at slicing things, no?"

"You got that right." Katarina folded her arms.

"And you are legendary at filleting, I assume?"

"The best." Katarina shifted her weight to her other foot.

"And legendary at dicing too?"

"Well, yeah.." Katarina scratched her nose.

 ** _10 minutes later_**

"How did this happen?" Katarina wailed as a stoic Irelia stood beside her, methodically chopping onions.

"Well, it could have been worse," Irelia sighed. "I heard Ahri was stuck mopping toilet stalls with her tails.."

Katarina visibly shuddered, "That is.. unfortunate.. hey, how long should I steam the baby carrots for?"


	2. Chapter 1

Delicate tendrils of incense smoke swirled and danced around the darkly lit chamber, creating an ambience of indefinite mystery and solemn foreboding. The whereabouts of said chamber was shrouded in such harsh secrecy that merely a handful in the Institute was privy to its actual location - whatever occurred behind these closed doors, one could rest assured, there would be no disturbances.

At first glance, the chamber appeared to be sparsely decorated, its furnishings geared towards functional practicality rather than the aesthetically pleasing. Large bonsai plants embellished all four corners of the room, adding a certain Ionian flair, whereas a long rectangular table, crafted entirely from polished steel, stood in its exact geometric centre, giving the room a slight Demacian edge. It was around this very table that a modest gathering of similarly cloaked figures sat, their air somber and their heads bowed in ominous reverence.

"Are all members present?" A deep, authoritative voice intoned from the head of the table, effectively shattering the inauspicious silence. Low growls echoed from all around as members of the group voiced their assent.

"Very good, it's time."

A clear, palpable tension filled the chamber as the figure at the head rose up, single fist clenched menacingly in the air. "With the power invested in me by the Sun, I hereby proclaim the official commencement of our quarterly LOLFEM meeting!" In a loud bellow, the words ricocheted all through the room as the figure flung back the hood of their long cloak, dramatically revealing their identity as Leona, Avatar of the Sun. Pounding assertively on the table three times in a symbolic gesture to mark the commencement, a 10 inch indentation was left beneath her iron fist, a show of unbridled strength from the female tank.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Seated to Leona's left, Diana, Scorn of the Moon, chanted excitedly as she threw handfuls of tiny, moon-shaped confetti up into the air. She had stayed up all night cutting paper and gluing glitter in preparation for this day and, judging by the reactions drawn from her little display, it was well worth the trouble.

"I brought the donuts!" Across the table, Morgana shouted in unmatched excitement as she dug deep into her brown leather purse and pulled out trays after trays of sinful succulence.

"And I brought the tea!" Piltover's Sheriff, Caitlyn, trembled in barely concealed elation while firing out an assortment of quality teabags from her oversized hextech rifle.

A series of loud claps and cheers erupted from the group as all members high-fived, hugged, and patted each other on the back. If it wasn't brutally obvious, LOLFEM meetings were kinda a big deal around here, mostly because the refreshments provided were so damn good.

"What's with all the cloak and dagger bullshit though? Why can't we just meet up like normal people?" Amidst the joyous ruckus, a perplexed-looking Vi voiced her confusion from beneath hooded garments before attempting, and failing, to take a bite out of the mint-dusted donut clutched between giant hands.

"Aww come on, where's the fun in that?" Caitlyn chastised the pink-haired rebel as she busied herself with handing out teabags and scones like it was thanksgiving, "Life is but a YOLO. Besides, when else can we wear these rad-looking, personalised cloaks I ordered for all of us?" At Caitlyn's words, Vi felt an involuntary series of inward spasms rekting through her body.

When the LOLFEM first started, Caitlyn was definitely among one of the more enthusiastic members. In fact, she was so excited at being part of the movement, she had gotten ahead of herself and printed matching wear for all members of the committee (#butdidithavetobeacloakthough). In Vi's humble opinion, the cloaks were extremely tacky. Right smack front and centre, the words "LOLFEM" screamed out in an angry block red while beneath it in smaller italics, a cheesy caption read: _History sucks, it's time for Herstory!_  
Oh, and they came exclusively in only two colours: mushroom brown and moss green.

The cool kid in Vi still shed a tear every time she was forced to wear the monstrosity. It was decidedly unfortunate that Leona had shared Caitlyn's penchant for tacky clothing, excitedly declaring the cloak an official and mandatory wear for all future meetings and events. On the bright side, at least it came with a hood to hide her face whenever she stepped out in it.

"Ok, getting down to business," placing her cup of tea in the makeshift holder created earlier with her fist, Leona signaled for the ongoing buzz to die down, "what's the agenda for today, Lux?"

Clicking her heels to attention, Lux, the official secretary-slash-analyst of the group snapped to and saluted before putting on her reading glasses and shuffling through the stacks of memo in her hands.

"Good evening members. To begin, I would like to call attention to the outcome of our most recent endeavour. Thanks to our collective effort, the League has finally heeded our cries for equal pay between sexes," Once again, loud cheers erupted from the group before Lux nervously cleared her throat and continued, "while we can certainly take heart in our small victory on this front, I fear it may be too early to celebrate. My latest research has uncovered a certain troubling trend. In conjunction with the recent 5% increase in female champions' gross salary, the amount of clothing we were forced to wear on the battlefield has also sharply decreased by 20%." Looking up from her memo, Lux allowed the information to fully sink in.

"I knew it!" Riven, the great runesword wielder, jumped up from her seat.

"I knew I wasn't the only one who noticed our sorry excuses for a costume getting smaller and smaller!" The Exile spat out in disgust, "The farce they call an armour? You would think they've never heard of such things like a sports bra or a chest plate. Support plays an important role," out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Sona nodding vehemently, "and if you take into account the amount of running and pummelling we do each day, the practicality level of our outfits drops to like a negative 110, and it wouldn't be long before our boobs start dragging the ground!" Low murmurs of agreement broke out, spurring the Exile on.

"Swift action must be taken! I propose our next official act to either (a) go on strike, or (b) petition for more practical clothing that does not needlessly SEXUALISE and OBJECTIFY female champions. I want to be recognised for my skills on the battlefield, not for my figure, DAMN IT!" Riven shouted angrily while pounding a heavy fist into the table. Like literally, into the table.

The other members nodded, all too able to sympathise with the Exile's outrage. Of the bunch, Riven had no doubt drawn the shortest stick. When first handed her battle bunny costume (come on, battle bunny, really?), she had steadfastly refused to put it on. Eventually though, she was forced to relent when threatened with permanent expulsion from the League.

"Movement seconded, wholeheartedly." It was Akali who stood up next, "As balance dictates, something needs to be done about these new "skins" female champions are forced to wear. Discounting the wholly impractical and degrading aspect, it should also be pointed out that they are predominantly sexist and biased!"

"As some of you know, me and my other two male Kinkou members of the League were recently _bestowed_ with new "skins" of the hospital variety. While the other two males got fitted as doctors, I was, you guessed it, stuck in a skimpy nurse outfit that barely covered half my body. How sexist is that? Of course the only female member of the group gets to be the _sexy nurse_ ," Akali gave a sarcastic eyeroll, "I find this exceptionally unfair, especially considering how I'm the only one out of the trio with an actual M.D."

Snapping her fingers in quick successions, an off-white piece of paper appeared in a wisp of ninja-smoke, gently floating down onto the metal table for all to see. The paper read: Akali, M.D.

"Hear, hear. Our sisters have spoken," Leona somberly declared, "and their voices of anguish have been heard. I thoroughly approve of this movement and hereby authorise its immediate commencement." Cheers of morale rang high as a sharp ray of sunlight shone down from the skies like a ray of hope; Leona was using her ult.

* * *

"Alright now that we have settled most of the preliminaries, let's move on to the more pressing matters at hand. Time is short so, Lux." Leona beckoned in Lux's direction.

Stepping forward once more, Lux gave a curt nod before slapping a black and white A4 picture onto the table. The picture appeared to be badly and hastily taken from a concealed location, and displayed two blurry humanoid figures slaving away in what looked to be a steamy kitchen environment.

"I'm sure you've all noticed by now, the distinct absence of both Katarina and Irelia at recent LOLFEM meetings. This," Lux stabbed an accusing finger at the offending photograph as the members craned their necks to get a better glimpse, "is the reason behind their disappearances. Sisters, their plight is dire and commands our immediate attention, as such, next up on our agenda we shall discuss with utmost urgency, how to save Irelia and Katarina from the kitchen." There and then, wild pandemonium broke out. This really was a huge deal.

"Ohh, so that's Kat and Irelia in the photo," Riven squinted, "I thought it was two cabbage patch kids -"

Somewhere, someone screamed.

"Do we _have_ to though?" Diana's clear voice rang out above the fray, "Irelia's chow mein is to die for, and Katarina hands down, prepares the best sashimi. Those cuts, I've never seen anything like it." Diana's eyes widened in emphasis to her point. A chorus of concurring murmurs backed up her statements, but a scathing glare from Leona shut them right up.

"Blasphemous. It's a shameful day for womankind when we refuse to rescue our own from the kitchen. Shameful indeed. Are you all so blinded, that you cannot see?" Shaking her head in dismay, Leona asserted in a righteous tone, "They are being held hostage against their will. In fact, just last week, Katarina wrote me this letter." Reaching beneath her cloak, Leona produced a brown, wrinkled parchment and proceeded to read its contents out loud:

 _Leona_ ,

 _Great times here in the kitchen. I really_

 _enjoy myself here; it's a wonderful feeling._

 _There's nothing better than slicing_

 _meat and chopping onions. Knowing how_

 _each slice and each dice goes so_

 _tenderly into every delicious_

 _homemade meal at the very_

 _end makes my heart glow and_

 _fill up with pride. Btw, Irelia says hi too._

 _Underneath all that seriousness she's really_

 _cute and a ball of fun to be around._

 _Kinda like the sister I never had but_

 _only about a thousand times better! :D_

 _Ugh, gotta end this letter here because_

 _time is short, I have to get back to work._

 _Katarina_

When she had finished, Leona was met with a room full of silence.

"I don't understand. It sounds like she's having endless fun in the kitchen with Irelia, what makes you think they want to get out?" The look of confusion on Riven's face mirrored those of the other champions present.

Pursing her lips, Leona handed the parchment to Riven. "Please. Read the first letter of each line."

"Ok..." An increasingly bewildered Riven took the parchment, eyes skimming through the elegant font.

 _Get me the fuck out_

"Holy shit. It's a coded letter." Riven let out a slow, shaky breath.

"Still think they're having fun?" When a thoroughly shaken Riven failed to reply, Leona brought her hands together in three sharp claps. "Alright girls, this is it, we need to brainstorm a detailed mission plan for operation 'Get Irelia And Katarina Out Of The Kitchen Right Now', effective pronto."

"Um, can we have a shorter name for it though? Like, 'Get IrKat Out Of The Kitchen Now'."

"That is still too long. I propose 'Get Them Out Of Kitchen Now'."

"Wow, brilliant. You managed to shorten by one word."

"And you think you can do better?"

"Enough!" Leona flared, clanging her great sword violently against her shield, "This. Isn't. Sparta! We need to stand united. It is apparent from Katarina's letter that their movements are being actively monitored, I can only imagine the level of distress they are in right now, so cease your petty squabbles please, and let's get on with planning the mission. The name stays."

* * *

And that was how it began; the words that sparked the start of one of the harshest skirmishes all of Valoran had ever seen.


	3. Chapter 2

"You can't be here." The voice that whispered the sentence was hoarse and carried a definite degree of fear.

"She's right," a second voice, much harsher than the first, hissed in agreement. "You need to leave. _Now_. If they find you here.."

At that very moment, surveying the anxious faces of both Katarina and Irelia, Lux could not help but wonder what kind of ordeal they must have gone through to get to such a state. Both women's hair flew wild and unkempt, looking as though they hadn't so much as seen a comb in weeks (this was probably true), and their eyes held the feral look of a caged leopard: wild, unbalanced, disturbed, and constantly darting around as though on some sort of look out.

For what? Lux was not sure of exactly.

Something was definitely cooking here and it didn't smell good. Lux understood that the kitchen offered a working condition slightly below the average level of comfort; constant exposure to all this steam and stuffy heat trapped within the confined spaces of the four walls could lessen a person's mood, but the two women in front of her were battle-hardened warriors for godsake. They had both been through hell and back in the duration of their varied military careers, that she was sure of, so what the hell happened here to make them act so damn _bizarre_?

 _I mean. Just look at them_.

The Will of the Blades was currently clutching a mid-sized white radish close to her chest, halfway through the process of meticulously skinning it in an unbroken spiral of remarkably perfect, circular peels.

" _Balance in all things_." The woman intoned after another impossibly flawless ring curled off the vegetable.  
" _I will not falter_." One more successful rotation.  
" _With precision_." Her voice was starting to strain.  
" _Forge onward_." Beads of sweat rolled off the captain's forehead.  
" _Cut them down_." The radish was nearly naked now.  
" _Stay sharp_." Words that came out a tortured moan. _  
_" _It ends here_." Lux watched as the last remnants of perfectly sliced skin departed the bare body of the radish, the entire unbroken loop fluttering down in a beautiful dance before landing gently on the ground.

 _Ok. So that was weird, and also strangely erotic but_ – _wait, WHAT!?_  
A horrified Lux shook her head and forced her thoughts to that of rainbows and leprechauns in an effort to clear the sudden disturbing notions that clouded her mind.

Needing a distraction, she shifted her gaze to the Sinister Blade who, like Irelia, was faring no better in the sanity department. At that moment, her body was crouched low on the ground, four blades and two steaks spinning furiously in her hands as she proceeded to dice the raw, bloody slabs into cubes in a flurry of swift, deadly strikes.

" _Blood for Noxus, blood for Noxus_."

Lux could just barely make out the sadistic growls coming from the redhead as she watched the pieces of meat being separated into smaller squares, and then even smaller squares and then even smaller, smaller squares and then even, even smaller, smaller squares, and then even, even, even smaller, smaller, smaller – _holy double rainbows_ , _that shit is hypnotic!_

Squeezing her eyes shut, Lux quickly caught herself and snapped out of her meat-induced trance. It had barely been ten minutes into her assignment and she was already able to surmise that the kitchen was one weird ass place. They needed to get out of here, **now**.

"Relax, guys," Lux finally spoke up, addressing her comrades' earlier concerns. Speaking in a coaxing tone so as to calm the sizeable tension in the air, she continued, "I know what I'm getting into here so don't worry. We got your SOS, Katarina, I am here to help." At the sound of her own name, Katarina finally ceased her endless dicing and jerked her gaze sharply back to Lux, eyes widening a fraction before managing a strangled whisper, "Help? They sent you?"

A dull thud resonated from where Irelia stood, a gleaming white radish gradually rolling to a stop beside Lux's armored feet. It took a great deal of restraint on Lux's part not to act on instinct and kick the damned thing as far away from her as she could.

"Yes," Lux exhaled a deep breath. "I am getting you guys out of here **_no matter what_** , okay?" Katarina's eyes subtly glistened with unshed tears while Irelia inconspicuously wiped at her nose with her sleeves.

 _Ohmygod, are they.. are they crying?_

Lux quickly pushed the thought out of her head as she forced her voice to take on a more authoritative tone.

"Listen, the plan has already been set in motion and right now, timing is of absolute essence. I need you guys to pull yourselves together and follow my lead, can I count on you two to manage that?" A series of nods answered her question.

"Good. Now together, we shall _banish the shadows_ and get to the other side of the double rainbow!" Lux pumped her fist into the air before letting out a war cry.

Boy, was it on.


	4. Chapter 3

"So basically, the plan is to stick as close to you as possible while you render us invisible through manipulation of light around our bodies?" Katarina was clarifying.

At that moment, the trio stood huddled in the centre of the kitchen as Lux explained the finer workings of the plan to the other two.

"Yes. That was how I managed to sneak in here undetected. Though, I must say, they have really amped up the security ever since I snuck in for my last recon photo op. They've even managed to rope in Graves and - unfortunately - my brother, who have both volunteered to keep watch here." A note of indignation crept into her voice, no doubt caused by her brother's involvement in crimes against women.

"There may be others, but those two are the ones I've spotted thus far. They are currently roaming near the entryway in order to prevent any possible escape. We need to be extremely careful in order to sneak past them undetected, if we managed to do so stealthily and accomplish that, everything thereafter should be a breeze."

Lux glanced down briefly at her wristwatch, "We should be going soon. According to my calculations, there is precisely 12 minutes before kitchen patrol swings around."

"Yeah, that would be the summoners who come in here every half hour to check our progress and ensure that we do not escape, which reminds me, do you have a more permanent plan in mind? I mean, even if we _do_ manage to escape the kitchen, our absences will still be noted and there will be nothing stopping them from coming after us as long as we all remain in the League." Katarina's normally cocksure voice was uncharacteristically laced with doubt.

"Don't worry," Lux smiled reassuringly, "Princess Dancing Dawn has that covered."

"Princess Dancing Dawn?" Irelia raised a slender brow.

"Oh right, yes. That's a code name. All members involved in this op have a code name. I am Rainbow Twilight Glitter. Katarina, you are Flutter Sparkle Shutter, and Irelia is Twinkle Winkle Blink."

"What the actual fuck. These are just names of characters from _My Little Poro_." Katarina deadpanned. "Besides, aren't they a little too long to be effective?"

"Really? Well, who knows, _I_ sure didn't come up with them." Lux shrugged.

"Yeah right. Whatever. Let's just get moving, we have limited time as you've said." Katarina snorted as she prepared herself to move out, but then she noticed that Irelia was still standing rooted to her spot and hadn't so much as budged an inch.

"What's the matter?" The redhead growled impatiently.

Irelia was nudging at the dirt on the ground with the tip of her left foot and coughing nervously.

"Spit it out." Katarina barked at the Ionian.

"I um.. I... kind of want to be Flutter Sparkle Shutter." Irelia's eyes were evasive.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Katarina roared, instinctively slapping her forehead with her palm.

"I mean... if it's ok with you, I mean." Irelia backtracked hastily. "It's just, everyone knows that she's THE best poro and well, I just really, really like her." The Will of the Blades brought her hands up defensively in front of her before nervously twiddling with them.

"Not really," at that point, Lux chimed in, "that's actually a pretty common misconception. I mean, yeah, I concede that she _could_ be _one of_ the best Poros, but she certainly isn't _the_ best or even the most favoured. In fact, just last month, it was Rainbow Twilight Glitter who came in first in the annual popularity poll that was held all over Runeterra. You would think that—" her words were abruptly cut off as a chopper whizzed past her head, narrowly slicing off two fine strands of light blonde hair in the process before lodging deeply into the wall behind her.

"If you do not shut up right now. I will gut you." Upon hearing the low, ominous growl, Lux gulped heavily before quickly nodding her head and clamping her mouth shut with both hands. Poros be damned. She knew better than to piss off the sadistic redhead.

Beside her, Irelia blinked slowly as she raised an index finger into the air, "So... can I still be Flutter Sparkle Shutter?" Lux had to give props for the girl's bravery, Irelia certainly wasn't Captain of the Guard for show.

Drawing in a deep, shaky breath, Katarina closed her eyes and prayed to the Noxian warriors of old for strength.

"Fine," she spat, "You can be Flutter Sputter Shit or whatever the fuck you want. I. Don't. Care. Let's just get the hell out of here ok?" Her eyes were bulging in a way that indicated the Noxian was clearly near her tipping point. Wasting no further time, Lux quickly bundled the two women close to her on either side, and began chanting a fairly complicated spell of light manipulation. Eyes furrowed in concentration, she watched as a swirl of white light appeared, slowly curling around the trio and steadily engulfing them. Having seen Lux done this before in practice, both Irelia and Katarina knew that the illumination would serve to bend the external light around them, thus making them invisible to untrained eyes.

"There! Now nobody can see us!" Once satisfied with her work, Lux herded everyone down the hallway that connected the kitchen to the outside world, pausing by the entrance before asking nervously "Ready?"

The other two women nodded, so eager for freedom they could barely breathe. This would be the first time in what seemed like forever that they would actually set foot outside the kitchen. Surely fresh air would never smell as sweet.

How Katarina longed to just fling open the kitchen door and run out clapping into the outside world. For the past few months, she had fantasised about this exact moment countless times in her head; the way her half-jacket would flap out behind her as she raced down into the courtyard, prancing into the air before dramatically collapsing to her knees, and clutching at patches of soft grass — uprooting them, smelling them, rolling in them and gleefully rubbing them into her face — but alas, she knew that stealth was a huge component in the success of this mission, so she settled for gently opening the door as silently as she could and stepping out.

The feeling certainly wasn't as satisfying as Katarina thought it would be, she had half been expecting an epiphany of sorts, some kind of ascension to a higher state. But it was almost anti-climatic the way they just simply walked out of the kitchen, right into another hallway nearly identical to the one they came. Sneaking a quick glance in Irelia's direction, the assassin could tell she shared the same sentiments.

But then again, they weren't completely out of the red yet.

The trio had barely moved five steps from the kitchen when the white light encircling them started flickering, inappreciably at first, then more noticeably as time elapsed. Frowning, Irelia turned questioningly to Lux, whose light blue eyes mirrored her confusion.

 _Ok..Guess this wasn't in the script._

Lux had no idea what was going on. She tried muttering another spell under her breath in an effort to reinforce the illumination magic, but to no avail. The light continued flickering and flickering, till eventually, it had all but wisped away, leaving the three of them completely exposed out in the open.

"Who goes there?" A deep voice rumbled out a few ways down the corridor. Oh no, they had just been spotted.

Lux's mind swelled with a sudden sense of panic as she berated herself in her head. _  
Crap! They must have recently added new wards to the entrance that nullify magic, how could I not have noticed!_

Being complacent of the fact that she was able to enter the kitchen earlier without encountering any difficulties, Lux had overlooked one crucial aspect. The realisation crashed over her that the new magical additions to the kitchen were never meant to keep a woman _out._ They were only built with all intents and purposes of keeping a woman _in_.

"Lux..." There was an edge in Katarina's voice as she caught sight of Garen charging towards them, his figure spinning furiously in a blur.

"Kill me later, right now... Run!" Lux shouted.

The trio made a mad dash in the opposite direction as Garen spun after them like a top.

"Attempting to escape? Lux. I'm disappointed." Hearing Garen snapping from so close behind, only made Lux's feet move even faster. Sprinting with everything she had, she attempted to put more distance behind her and her disgruntled brother.

"RAISE THE ALARM! THE WOMEN ARE ESCAPING THE KITCHEN!" Garen's voice yelled out after the retreating figures.

 _This is so not good_.

* * *

Irelia and Katarina followed in Lux's footsteps as she nimbly twisted this way and that through the various meandering hallways of the Institute, making an extra effort to take unexpected sharp turns and abstract paths.

"Do you even know where you are going?" Half a step behind her, Katarina was panting.

Garen's footsteps could no longer be heard and Lux had assumed, with a certain degree of relief, that they must have shook him off somewhere along the way. Her brother was never that good with navigation and directions, unsurprising, considering the way he was spinning after them the whole time. _He probably got disoriented and spun off somewhere._

Garen was such an idiot. If he had only chased after them like a normal person, he would have had a real shot of catching them. Ohwell _._

"Yes, we need to get to open gr—" Lux's reply broke off as she abruptly skidded to a stop. A few feet away in front of them, Graves had calmly stepped out from around the corner. It would appear that he had been lying in wait.

"There, there dearies," he crooned, a smug look plastered across his face, "just where do y'all think you're are goin'? Y'all know there will be no escapin' now."

In her head, all Katarina could think about was how to best wipe that maddening grin off his face, preferably with a swift kick to the nuts.

"Not so smart, Graves, it's three against one. Get out of our way and we won't hurt you." Katarina sounded out menacingly, her body already shifting to adopt an offensive stance.

Graves only shrugged. He knew back up was well on the way, all he had to do was stall until they arrived.

Recalling that women loved to talk, he tried to buy time by luring the women into conversation. "I applaud your _valiant_ attempt, girls," he said, "but you should know that resistance is futile. _Nobody_ escapes the kitchen, ever. What say you give up now, and we'll pretend this whole thing never happened?"

"You really aren't that smart, are you? We are already OUT of the kitchen dumbass." Katarina spat out as her left eye, the one with the scar, started twitching ever so slightly.

Graves laughed; a harsh, grating sound, "And you think you are?"

"Smarter than you, yes." Graves' taunting was really riling Katarina up. _This isn't going to go good._ Lux thought _._

"Well then, if _you_ are so smart, _Katarina_ , here's a question for you—" The way he said her name made the redhead's skin crawl, her left eye-twitch now turning into a full blown ticking.

"—In a **_perfect world_** , how many women does it take to change a lightbulb?"

Katarina froze.

"Don't do it." She warned, her voice low and dangerous as she shook her head once, twice.

Graves only smirked knowingly in response.

"Don't. Fucking. Say. It." Katarina choked out from between gritted teeth.

The smirk on Graves' face only stretched wider, "None—", he mouthed, and continued, even as the veins on Katarina's neck throbbed precariously.

"—Because they all stayed in the fucking kitchen!" Bellowing out in a guffaw, the hulking man doubled over in laughter, smacking his knees uproariously.

Upon hearing the punch line, Katarina simply lost it. Graves was still so tickled by his own joke that he failed to notice the assassin letting out a short strangled cry as she leapt up into the air, adrenaline from her rage enhancing both speed and strength. Within seconds, she had knocked Graves onto the ground and was all over him, clawing and punching at anything and everything she could get her hands on.

"DO. YOU. EVEN. HAVE. ANY. IDEA. WHAT. I. WENT. THROUGH. IN. THE. KITCHEN? DO. YOU?" Katarina screeched, punctuating each word with a punch.

"DO. YOU. KNOW. HOW. MUCH. I. SUFFERED?" Katarina's eyes were wild and unhinged as she let out another short animalistic howl while she continued punching.

"YOUR. JOKE. DOES. NOT. EVEN. MAKE. SENSE. THERE. COULD. BE. A. LIGHTBULB. IN. THE. KITCHEN!" All Katarina could see was red.

Her fists met flesh again and again, and again, and she very well would have stayed punching till kingdom come had she not been stopped by a firm hand from Ionia's Captain of the Guard.

"That is enough." Irelia's voice was soft as her fingers curled gently, but unyieldingly around Katarina's wrists. The redhead looked up. It took a few seconds for the look of recognition to flash across her face.

"But-I..We… I-In the kitchen… H-he said—" Katarina bit back a sob.

Lux looked away. She knew. This was not her moment. She wasn't in the kitchen, she couldn't have understood.  
No. This was a moment reserved for two fallen soldiers - two comrades in arms - whose shared trauma had transcended all else, and now bound them thicker than blood ever would.

"I know Kat, I _know_. It was unforgivable, but bloodshed begets bloodshed. We may do so to protect ourselves, but violence is not always the key." The Captain's words hung heavy in the air, her slender fingers reaching out, tenderly wiping away the inevitable drop of tear that had rolled, unbidden, down the assassin's cheek.

It was painful, but Katarina saw truth in Irelia's words. No matter how hard it was for her to swallow, Irelia was right. Slowly, she got up from Graves' (now) unconscious body.

"Thank you." The redhead's voice was so hushed, Irelia had to strain her ears in order to catch it. And even then, she was not sure if it hadn't been imagined.


End file.
